thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
