I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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