My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
