what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
