tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
