at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
