I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
