I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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