Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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