John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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