So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
