This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
