He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
