my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
