She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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