I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
