i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
