Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize