No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
