yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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