Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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