I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
