Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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