I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
