I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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