New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
