Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
