birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
