The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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