Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
