You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
