honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
