She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
