He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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