apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
