alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
