Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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