I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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