so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
