no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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