Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
