so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
