I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
