umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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