All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
