I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
