So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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