So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
