Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
