I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
