On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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