She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
