I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
