Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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