please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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