there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
