If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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