I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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