38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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