He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
