I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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