Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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