In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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