he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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