Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
