woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize