slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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