Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So. Much. Porn.
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