I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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