direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
