2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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